Somebody Asked Me A Question on Tumblr . . .

What are your feelings/thoughts on the last issue of superman? While I did love the description about Lois (and ngl clark’s strong feelings made quite clear in the issue), I’m still not sure and a bit scared about how the writer is going to tackle clois and their relationship.

 Anonymous

Loved the Lois full page panel. Might make that into a poster and hang it on the wall.  Had to be narration because this Clark Kent does not have that much introspective self awareness at the moment.

Last Sun G2 said if Clark and Lois had a passionate discussion about their relationship, we would be happy.  They did that in spades.  Unfortunately, I think Clark was a little over the top at times and rather than it being snark or banter — it got nasty.

The answer to the mattress of solitude remark made me wonder if there had been an occasion where Lois had been in that bed (which I would love to see)— but after more panels of Clark, I started to think his remarks were more cutting than necessary.  It was like the short time he spent with Jason in Red Hoods and the Outlaws had rubbed off on him.

We know Lobdell can write a relationship — Superman #0 was perfect.  Jor-El and Lara were what Clark and Lois should be.   Let’s just say that Lobdell fumbled the ball in #14 — whether that’s a reflection of his entire game is yet to be seen.  Anyone who can write Clark’s parents brilliantly surely has the potential to recover… unless he’s not permitted to.

The Lois panel was a dangling carrot — not just for the issue but probably for future issues to come.  The fauxmance is taking center stage.  Unfortunately the Clark and Lois fans who have waited through the no-more-marriage announcement, the reboot, how putting Superman in a love triangle would make him interesting, 4 writers on the Superman book and the five year gap between Action and Superman are just going to have to head for the trenches because it’s not going to be fun this winter, maybe not even by spring.  And all because DC Editorial planned the bullship.

I don’t know if Scott Lobdell has as much editorial interference as Perez did.  The obligatory fauxmance panel was nauseating.  Sorry, I’m not having any more books on my pull list which have the potential for that shit in it.  I read comics for enjoyment — not pain and no hope.  I’m a Superman fan — hope is in my blood, all because of the Man of Steel.  But the new 52 Superman has no hope — and in Superman #14, he’s just a tepid mess.  This guy’s going to inspire the world and encourage people to aspire???

There were some good things in the issue and I appreciate them.  I thought Lois was the most mature person in the room for sure.  Also, I still believe that Lois will fight for the integrity of the DP from within — but if the writing is on the wall, she may change her employment status (Matt Idelson said as much). If she goes back to reporting — that’s one of the signs we need to look for that the tide is turning for our couple.

The fauxmance is really putting the characters in a bad light.  Clark has been apparently holding Lois at arms length for five years.  He never asked her out for a date? He didn’t even know she had a boyfriend in Superman #1!  Now he’s having a complete emotional (YAY) breakdown because Lois has okay’d her boyfriend moving in.  He feels bad.  He’s angry.  He hates Lois considers him a ‘best friend’.  If he thinks of them being something more than why hasn’t he ever told her?  Answer:  Editorial’s bullship.

S14’s Clark Kent is VERY HUMAN.  He’s emotional and he’s in pain (of his own making actually).  Contrast that with the emotionless automaton macking on Wonder Woman in Justice League.  Oh yea, I forgot, Superman is ALIENATED. whatever.  At least Johns is trying to keep the bullship at glacial speed — I’m hoping it’s to show how it develops into a great friendship.  It’s the only way to save the icons.  Diana is not 2nd best to Lois if Diana becomes Clark’s best friend and not a romantic interest.  And it would save Clark from super-douchery.

Does DC Editorial know that Clark Kent and Superman are the same person?  Cause Clark Kent seems to be relating to humans just fine, despite the ‘alienation’ of Superman.  It’s all very disheartening — and I’m pretty sure Clark and Lois fans were disappointed the first scene by the latest writer with our favorite couple was an argument — and Clark was not exactly fighting fair.  But it was passionate, and we see that both Clark and Lois care deeply about one another.  Neither one wants to lose the other.  Lois wants him to come back to the DP despite his aversion to Morgan Edge.  He doesn’t want her to take her relationship with Jonathan to the next level.  But as always happens in comics — they get interrupted.  Clark can pump iron in the middle of the Earth for 5 days without a cry for help for Superman, but five minutes with Lois and, BAM, interruptus.

We won’t get an issue of Superman in December but will get 2 in January.  *rme

The only way fans can truly let DC know we don’t like what they’re doing is to remove the stories you don’t like from your pull list.  This reflects in the monthly order numbers which DC and other comic publishers use as a measure of success.  You can still buy a comic if you like what’s inside, it just may not show up in the order numbers.  Comic book store owners use pull lists to decide the amount of their orders and they usually do that 3 months previous to the issue release.

As for the behind-the-scenes-on-the-internet crap that’s been going on.  I was raised with the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I think we need to have that posted on all social media sites.  Maybe we should dig out Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” too.  There’s too much grenade launching going on from all sides — and its beginning to interfere with the enjoyment of comics.

Everyone needs to take a deep breath and realize that not only fans have felt bludgeoned, but also creators who have to deal with editorial mandates which may or may not be popular with the fanbase.  The plotpoints of the bullship were planned two years ago.   DC is just now rolling that out.

Am I worried about Superman?  Damn straight.  But I have been since WONK.  Yes, I’ve been waiting that long for someone at DC to get a clue about the Man of Tomorrow and what Lois Lane means in his story and in his super life.

We have to live through 2 crossovers — H’El and Helspont and then probably the Trinity War.  Looking at Clark Kent now in Superman #14, there is no way he has the strongest heart to open Pandora’s box and find hope inside — but the beauty of comics is — things can change from book to book, page to page, and even panel to panel.

Like the guy in the crow’s nest who searches the horizon for land after a long voyage, I have a few plot points which will give me hope, our hero and his lady (Lois) will find their way to each other.

— Lois and Clark banter without anger and/or Lois pulls him out of a fugue (like she did in Action 12)

— Superman rescues Lois Lane (She’s saved his ass a few times as an executive producer with camera crews.  And waking him in space by calling out, Clark!)

— Clark and Lois reporting together (Andy Diggle said he was writing this — but is it a flashback or present timeline?)

The thing that disgusts me about the new 52 Superman is …Superman is not only a superhero, but he is a romantic hero.  A character that leads with his big heart.  We have not seen that man in the new 52.

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November 30, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Superman. 6 comments.

The standard SHAMELESS PLUG

If you’re interested on how I felt about Superman #14 — at least the first page, check out this Lois Lane blog.  Something for us to hold onto while the fauxmance bombs keep flying.

November 30, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Superman. Leave a comment.

For Your Consideration . . .

First a quote from one of the best characters DC Comics has, but treats like she’s toxic.

“I’m a reporter. Asking questions is in my blood.”Lois Lane, Smallville, Season 9 Pandora episode

In Justice League 14, we see the fauxmance kiss from a different perspective.

The bug is not bat shaped and it looks as if someone or a camera is seeing this from a farmhouse window. Could it be that Batman didn’t put the bug on Clark? Could it have been someone in the diner?

Final panel is this —

Batman appears to be in the Batcave watching this. Could someone be sending him this information?

The reason I ask these questions is because the following things have happened.  You have to look at the new 52 reboot especially in Justice League, Justice League International (now gone), Justice League Dark and soon to be Justice League of America as a precursor to their big event — Trinity War (sad but true).   This stance has proven to affect Superman’s books Action and Superman as well as his character development.  Wonder Woman’s book is not affected by these storylines.

We know that Brother Eye exists and that Batman found out it had been reprogrammed out of his control in Justice League Annual #1

This is the same issue written by Geoff Johns and Dan Didio where this happened.  Future Booster comes back to the present (his past) to warn Present Booster  —

Note:  Justice League of America hadn’t been formed yet — but Future Booster knows they will be.  Readers can see that first issue in Febuary, 2013.

Future Booster’s time is limited as he is being chased by Rip Hunter.  And before he can finish his message, he mentions someone he shouldn’t have trusted and then disappears.  Could that person be the one now feeding Batman information?

Present Booster sees the bullship kiss in JL12.

Before he can take another breath, Present Booster is ripped out of the timeline.  Johns has told us that Booster will return soon.

Also consider this, it was in the JL12 issue after the kiss.

Amanda Waller visits David Graves in Belle Reeve Prison (that’s right, the same place where Cheetah is) and asks him to strategize how to destroy the Justice League.  He begins to write the Villain’s Journey.  (And is putting all these Supervillains in the same place a good idea???)

In JL12, Graves unleashed parasitic lesser gods that fed off the loneliness, fear, and grief of the living.  That’s why it brought forth all the dead relatives, Cyborg’s former self, and Steve Trevor (who Graves had imprisoned and thought was dead).  Trevor saved the JL’s asses in that issue.  But Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman were still infected by the parasites.  Superman realized they were magic because his heat vision was ineffective against them.  Orin managed to smash them with his trident.

Of the “Trinity” (which hasn’t been formed yet) who is most capable of handling loneliness, fear and grief = Batman.  Superman and Wonder Woman, not so much.  So the parasites may still be doing their dirty work. Which may be the only way to make the bullship work without damaging the icons.  Superman would never pursue a romantic relationship with anyone if he has strong feelings for Lois Lane.  Editorial and the books have stated he does have strong feelings for Lois and that she is unattainable (rolling my eyes).  The whammied excuse is probably being played out in this fauxmance.

The bullship is based on fear and loneliness.  Diana fired Steve Trevor as the Justice League’s liaison.  Batman is the leader of the JL, so she had no authority to do so.  She did it in order to protect Steve since he is human and fears he will be hurt — because of her.  So the fauxmance was born from emotional cowardice and not following their heart’s desires.  Diana/Steve.  Clark/Lois.  Plus there’s always Graves’ parasites at work.

Steve Trevor is a big deal.  He has played a (major) role in every book with the words Justice League in the title — that includes February’s Justice League of America.  Trevor is the key.

Then there’s this:

The fauxmance was not mentioned in Superman’s (Kal-El’s) #0 Who’s Who, but it is mentioned in Wonder Woman’s.  This is strange since the bullship is not effecting her book at all.  Superman’s yes, hers no.  But notice what it says about mere mortals fearing the powerful union.

This raises the question:  The person who may be feeding Batman this information — could they release it to the world?  If Batman were spying on his teammates, he wouldn’t release it to the world.  As a leader, he would handle it within the confines of the Justice League — but obviously the news gets out to the public.  This will serve to create fear and mistrust in regards to Superman and Wonder Woman.  And Superman will never be able to inspire hope when that happens.  And maybe this is one of the deciding factors that the relationship will bloom into the great friendship Superman and Wonder Woman have always had.  Not romantic.  As Wonder Woman stated in the past DCU, “It is possible for a man and a woman to be friends.”

What does Batman do with this information?  My guess is, he calls Steve Trevor and the Justice League of America is born.  Batman was not happy with Diana taking it upon herself to fire Trevor.  Batman stated in JL that Trevor was the Justice League.

Why is this important?  Steve Trevor, human warrior, has been Diana’s motivation in Justice League.  Johns has brought him back from ‘the dead’ and soundly into the new 52 universe.

And there’s many factions that want to see the destruction of the Justice League.

November 26, 2012. BaudyBlahBlahBlah. Leave a comment.

This week in Superman stories

Superman has appeared in 3 new 52 books this Thanksgiving week: Red Hood and the Outlaws, Justice League and Supergirl.  Do I recommend buying these books . . . let’s just see. . .

Red Hood and the Outlaws #14 basically is telling us that after the H’El crossover arc in Superman, Superboy, and Supergirl, there will be another crossover arc in even more books.  Just as we suspected:  Helspont is the baddie in Superman, Superboy, Supergirl, Action and possibly Red Hood and the Outlaws, too.  Whether or not this is all leading up to the big universe crossover of Trinity War is yet to be seen.

Justice League #14 is everything Johns and Lee warned us about last August.  Superman has been ‘possessed’ by Cheetah.  Batman sends Wonder Woman after Barbara Minerva while he confesses to the tribal leader that Superman is his friend.  Blood is poured over Superman’s wounds . . . and the ‘recovery’ ends there.  Johns loves team books, I do not.  One reason—not enough space or time to explain things, how did Superman get ‘uncursed’?  Whose/what blood was used to ‘cure’ him?  Will this play into the story later on?  Maybe this is just more vaguery which will pounce upon us later?

Some interesting information regarding the Cheetah before Barbara Minerva got her.  Was the hunter wielding the ‘Godslayer’, Nimrod?  This knife that infected Barbara was forged by a being so evil, his name must go unspoken – could it be Lord Vyndktvx (Action)?  Also who is the mysterious, alien sungod  who angered others?  hmmmm

Cheetah is subdued and placed in Belle Reeve and outright tells Wonder Woman that Cheetah wasn’t evil, but she ‘Barbara Minerva’ is.  Shades of Richard the Third.  Batman gives the team a dossier on the woman who is now Cheetah and finds she is a serial villain.  This while Cheetah communicates with Black Manta.

Wonder Woman is distraught (again) that she is naïve and can’t trust her instincts any longer.  A floating Superman assures Diana that seeing the good in people is an admirable trait.  She can trust the League and him in particular.  She tells him she doesn’t know him.  (Five years fighting together & they don’t know each other???)  So he takes her to Smallville.

This is where it just gets weird, but I suspect Johns has his reasons.  Superman and Wonder Woman show up at the Smallville Diner to eat pancakes.  Not joking.  Superman calls the proprietor by name which she finds odd (and so do we since he isn’t dressed as Clark).  Then he shows Diana the Kent farm as they stand in a field.

1)       Superman is not revealing Clark Kent to Wonder Woman.  Just the world he grew up in.  Diana already doesn’t understand why he has a secret identity (JL12).  Apparently he’s not going to give her a chance to understand.  Superman is still compartmentalizing his life.  So this thing about Diana knowing the real Superman – uh, no.  Not completely.  She is not relating to him as Superman and Clark.  There’s one character we know who has related to both personas – and that’s Lois Lane.  Johns may be showing us why this bullship isn’t going to work romantically.  This statement that has been tossed around by various creators & execs:  “It must be very hard to be Clark to have best friends and this whole section of your life you’re not able to talk about.”  This is used as a reason why Diana makes a good sounding board for Superman.  By the same token, this is why Lois is a good sounding board for Clark since Wonder Woman is not privy to that part of his life.  And since Lois relates to Superman (saving his ass a few times in new 52), this makes her more ‘in the know’ and an even more intimate sounding board.  Superman still has feelings and Lois can relate to that no matter what clothes he is wearing.

2)      Superman wants to show Diana that there is life outside the evil they experience with the Justice League and that sometimes good is just good.  It’s simple, just like Smallville.  (Clark is leasing the land but has kept the house so he can remember)  They hold hands and then kiss while levitating.  Not the passionate covers type of kissing either.  Meanwhile, Superman has a bug on his cape and it’s not a spider.  Someone is witnessing this simple kiss through a farmhouse window – and then we see Batman sitting at a computer watching it all.   YAY!!! ‘bout time Batman caught on.  I suppose this is why TMZ didn’t show up in Smallville during the pancakes – so Batman could know first (before the world).  The fuse for the Trinity War has been lit – and it was not unexpected.

First date, done and dusted.

3)      The tide has turned.  In Justice League #12, Wonder Woman thought relationships were simple, but found out she was wrong.  Superman said relationships were complicated, more so for (superheros) them.  NOW we’ve got Superman thinking a relationship between him and Diana will be simple.  Say what?  Is it because relationships with humans are supposedly complicated?  (humans are vulnerable & have to be ‘lied’ to in order to protect them)  Superman wouldn’t have to lie to Wonder Woman about Superman . . . but why is he keeping Clark Kent secret?  Not complaining.  The dual identity is a defining factor in the Superman mythos.  It is his natural character tension.  DC has decided to only focus on the alien for now – which is fine in Justice League – but an alienated Superman is not the complete character, no matter how much it is the focus.  He has outside influences in his own books.  He should have his true life there – but unfortunately Justice League as well as DC Editorial are controlling his storylines in Action and Superman.

And let’s face it, how simple is this fauxmance going to be with Batman shining a flashlight up their asses?  Not much.

Johns uses the word simple, but really it means ‘easier’.  It would be easier emotionally for Superman and Wonder Woman to hook up because they both are invulnerable and neither of them could be hurt the same way a human lover could.  Again, this is cowardice on their part.  Not their best moment.  Not following their hearts desires and the love that motivates them to fight for humanity – is only going to bring them down, personally and professionally.  The power couple is simply that. Two powerful beings in an alliance . . . not necessarily a liaison.

4)      The Trinity.  Has not been established in the new 52 yet.  Yes, we have Superman and Batman being friends in Action and also stating that in Justice League.  Batman did encourage Superman to get his Clark Kent identity back in Action 12, so I don’t see him being too happy with this latest development.  Superman and Diana are getting to know each other (after fighting side by side for five years).  If a Trinity is going to form, it will be Superman who will bring it all together.  How?  By realizing his simple ‘thing’ with Diana has consequences like the world being afraid of two powerful beings united – and it will definitely mess up the Justice League and its good mission.  Power shifts are a bitch.  And perceptions about their alliance could instill fear and mistrust – which is not what Superman is about even when he’s not following his heart.  This COMPLICATES things.  Not so simple.

5)      I do like that Johns has Superman mention Darkseid and Graves.  If you toss in the Key, Superman has dealt with all these villains within Justice League – they are emotional and psychological baddies.   Could Johns be hinting that Superman is not quite his emotionally sturdy self because of the tortures from these villains?

6)      I’m not happy with the way Diana is being conveyed either.  Doesn’t know her own mind, can’t trust her instincts?  Really?  This makes her appear flighty – and Wonder Woman was never that.  Having a hero not trust themselves?  Again Graves’ lower gods magical influence may still be preying upon her.

The fauxmance is painful, not only because of 75 years of history but also the way it changes the characters.  It’s like stuffing a square peg into a S-shield, it’s just doesn’t fit.   Johns has never referred to the fauxmance as a romance or love story.  I appreciate that.  He knows the bigger picture.  He’s written a lot of it.  Booster Gold said that Superman and Wonder Woman bullship would destroy the future and the universe.  That is not conducive to propagating more comic books.  The bullship has an end date and it’s probably just before Trinity War.

We’ll get more bullship in Justice League #15 (Dec) according to an interview by Johns and then in the #16 (Jan)  solicit there is more on the Superman and Wonder Woman alliance.  Also the US doesn’t trust the Justice League so the JLA is formed.  YAY!  Steve Trevor!  Justice League of America arrives in February with the #17s.  Also in Feb, Diana will be consulting Eros about her feelings for Superman in Young Romance.  (again with the not knowing herself. Oy!)  The cover for that shows a passionate kiss between the power couple while dead bodies lie at their levitating feet.  Nice.  Romantic?  Flashback cover?  Interesting to note that a symbol or vehicle appears in the lower right hand corner also appears on the Superman #17 cover.  Hmmmm

The Aquaman crossover ends in February and Johns has stated Wonder Woman will get a focus – so maybe that begins in March with Justice League #18.  Steve Trevor & JLA will have arrived the month before.  Also Superman will be in his own crossover in his books with Helspont by then.  So what if the bullship is disintegrating or evolving into a super friendship?   With the Aquaman crossover between now and then that gives Johns 5 books to accomplish things.  More time than if he was doing it in a single book.   Also, when in the hell is the Trinity War?

Buy the bullship if you like being bludgeoned to death.  But the fauxmance is too painful for me and I’m not a masochist – so I would recommend NOT buying or having JL 14 on your pull list.  Life is painful, complicated, and messy – especially in real life.  I read comics to escape – and unfortunately, DC is insisting on not giving me what I want to read.  So no money for them until they do.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING GOOD –

Supergirl #14 gives us more on Dr. Veritas and her relationship with Superman.  Supergirl and H’El – and her loathing of Superboy (poor Kon).  Superman goes back to Metropolis but doesn’t say why (again keeping Clark’s life secret from his ‘super’ associates).  Supergirl can have Superboy killed by H’El on her say so, but she wants to talk with Superman first.  Smart girl.  She flies to Metropolis and picks up on Superman’s voice as he converses with someone named Lois.  Kara barges into Clark Kent’s apartment to find Superman being referred to as Clark while she surprises him and Lois Lane.  To be continued in Superman 14.  Up to you if you want to buy or not buy this issue.

Not a bad week if we’re reading the signs right.  Oh, and I love Batman (which hasn’t always been the case – I still won’t buy his books (unless Supes is in them) – and I certainly won’t be doing anything to make Didio happy.)

SMALLVILLE SEASON 11 #23 came out today.  Not part of the new 52 realm – thank God!   More action from the World’s Finest and some kicking ass by Steph!Babs and Lois Lane.   Highly recommend these panels of joy.  This is the penultimate chapter of Detective and for the month.  Buy it!  It’s 99 cents.  Best buy ever!

Next week:  Smallville Season 11 #24 (the end of DETECTIVE), Superman #14 and Superman Family Adventures.

November 23, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Announcements, Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Superman. 4 comments.

HOPE IS GONE . . .

It is with heavy heart, that I admit defeat.  DC Comics has slain the minuscule amount of hope I have coveted for new 52 Clark to become the Superman generations have loved for 75 years.  Not having the human influence presented in his life is turning him into an unsupermanly hero.   And I signed up to read/buy Superman.

The saddest thing in the world is a Superman fan with no hope.  And worse, a Superman who does not inspire hope or encourage his human readers to aspire.  We find the new 52 Superman to be an emotional coward who takes no responsibility for his feelings.  He’s a mess.  At 27 years of age, he should have some modicum of maturity, control of his powers, and a relationship with humans (particularly Lois) he has lived with for five years.  Matt Idelson has stated that Clark doesn’t know who he is and after reading the new 52 books for 15 months — neither do we.  It’s not even a journey or a growth process, it’s tossing caca against the wall to see what sticks.

G2Factor and I have decided to only promote Smallville Season 11 and Superman Family Adventures as we find these to be excellent versions of who Superman is.  What will this mean to us and our listeners?  We will be performing a public service of monitoring the Superman stories in the new 52 to see if DC will allow the writers to inspire and aspire with their creativity.  I feel DC has their boot heel on the neck of writers and artists where Superman is concerned.

From now on, G2Factor will promote PINE WITHOUT PAYING.  We encourage fans NOT to buy the new 52 books:  Superman, Action, Justice League, etc.  Also, we want everyone to write DC Comics, particularly Diane Nelson, to respectfully express their views on what is happening to the Man of Steel and how that is affecting you as a consumer of Superman products.

Matt Idelson said they wanted fans to pine with intensity for the Clark and Lois couple, so that the characters could be written together again.  Why waste time, right?  We feel that way now especially with the 75th anniversary approaching in the Spring.  Inform DC Comics of how you feel.  Let them know you won’t allow them to hold your characters or money hostage.   We’re not going to continue to hope with just a mere dangling carrot.  We know that ploy and we’re not buying it.

If G2Factor finds the tide is turning for our hero, we will inform our listeners.  You can decide if you want to buy the issue or not.  Join us on Sundays for our research and opinion.  DC Comics is going to have to prove they know who Superman is and what his fans will tolerate to relinquish their money.

Sunday, November 18th, G2Factor will discuss Smallville Season 11 digital #22.  November marks the end of the DETECTIVE episode and we will miss this very exciting story.  Print issue #6 in October gained in order numbers, so THE LITTLE COMIC THAT COULD IS DOING IT!!!  Superman lives in Bryan Q Miller’s SMALLVILLE SEASON 11 and Baltazar’s & Franco’s SUPERMAN FAMILY ADVENTURES.

November 13, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Announcements, Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Superman. Leave a comment.

SHAMELESS PLUG

If you’ve enjoyed my blog articles, check out what Kimmie, Tasha, Chris and I do on the weekend.  G2Factor discusses Superman and his mythos.

Also for more information on SMALLVILLE SEASON 11 and its schedule, go to OSCK.

November 2, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Superman. Leave a comment.

Man of Steel, HUMANS of Tissue Paper

Shall we play a game?

Warning: If you blush easily, don’t read.  This is as ridiculous as the stupid theory.

Larry Niven’s dissertation on Superman’s powerful physiology is mentioned in Superman Earth One, Volume 2.  This theory has been around since 1971 and really has nothing to do with what truly goes on within Superman’s books.   It is mostly brought up by people who want to further alienate Superman from the human race, especially Lois Lane, or want to see him ‘hookup’ with someone who is not totally human.  Lots of emphasis on his physiology rather than his heart, mind, soul, or spirit.

It is only a theory and many writers have dispelled the ridiculous notion for almost four decades since Niven’s paper.  With the creation of Superboy during the 90s, this proved Kryptonian and Terrean DNA could mesh to make a clone.  So if Clark and Lex can have a ‘son’, then Clark and Lois could have a child.  SCIENCE!  (Cue Thomas Dolby)

The SteelvsTissue theory alienates Superman from the human race he loves and protects.  It denies him a full life.   This causes Superman emotional and psychological problems as a character.  He HAS to relate to his adopted planet and its people (otherwise what’s the point of Clark Kent/Superman).   And in order to make him a multi-layered character with depth, he has to have intimacy with humans on all levels.

I am not a scientist.  There are others more proficient than I who can explain why Superman doesn’t break anything while doing everyday things as Clark Kent.  But I can imagine the many problems if writers profess or use the SteelvsTissue theory as a basis.  Shall we talk about toilet training before he got powers?  Nah, let’s not.

In Superman Earth One, volume 2, Pa Kent mentions this theory and Clark is embarrassed by the talk.  But in order to check out the validity of the theory, let us delve into possible scenarios.

Has farm boy Clark ever masturbated in the barn loft?  Surely Pa would know since the roof would have to be repaired.

In Niven’s theory, Clark’s projectile semen becomes weapons of mass destruction.  So not only the roof, but any birds, airplanes, or other flying objects would be destroyed.    Many people quote Brody from Mallrats, but if Superman’s projectile sperm was a weapon, just think how Bruckheimer’s Armageddon’s story could have changed.  Instead of Bruce Willis landing on a meteor heading for Earth, Superman could just ejaculate and destroy it.  Same amount of believability.  (not kidding)  Short movie.  Not to mention (but I am)  the projectile sperm would add to Superman’s power set, making him even more powerful, more alienated . . . and boring.

Some people think Clark and Diana would make a perfect sexual couple since she is not ‘human’.  But, this brings up another problem for Clark, Diana is supernatural/magic, which makes him weak.  More so in the new 52, since Diana is a daughter of Zeus, the Big Daddy of the Greek God set.  So conceivably there may be some Kryptonian erectile dysfunction going on with this coupling.   Not exactly sexually satisfying if that’s the only point to put them together.  Clark has a secret identity and Diana in the new 52 does not.  They seem to be TOO much alike so story conflict would be nil, but luckily they both seem to be in love with particular humans and this has proven to be motivation for their storylines.   Besides, as Geoff Johns may show in Justice League, a power couple within the Trinity is going to displace power away from Batman – and that can never be tolerated.

Others believe that Clark and Bruce should get it on – but Batman is human.  If he has sex with Clark, he’d be the God Damned DEAD Batman under the SteelvsTissue theory.

It seems as if everyone should forget about the Man of Steel, Humans of Tissue Paper theory and allow writers to scribe Superman as a being with a dual identity who relates to humanity on many levels.  Most especially Lois Lane since the triangle for two was created from day one.  Superman should have a full and loving life.  He deserves that much.

November 1, 2012. BaudyBlahBlahBlah. 2 comments.