Shaking My Head . . .(yep, taking on the fauxmance)

You knew this was coming.  (and you know me, I’m all about the spoilers, be warned)

I honestly think Charles Soule is a good writer.  BUT, he’s assigned a very bad idea with the fauxmance.

In the comic that shall not be named, Cat Grant is billed as Superman’s supporting cast.  Not Lois, not even Jimmy, but Cat.  Clark’s partner in his blog; which he never seems to write for while she writes infortainment.  You remember infotainment, the reason Clark left the DP.  He even fries competitor’s tablets so Cat can get an infotainment exclusive to keep their blog solvent.  Gotta pay the rent, y’know.  Was that the right thing to do?  A Superman thing to do?

We’re only 2 issues in — Cat has the story of a lifetime sitting on her desk.  Mailed by a mysterious anonymous person, naturally.  It’s a scoop about the fauxmance.  Clark has proven time and again in only 2 issues, he wants to keep this relationship secret.  Diana thinks he’s ashamed of it.  Smart girl.

Back on August 22, 2012, during the fauxmance dog and pony show, it was said that when people found out about the fauxmance, it would mean the destruction of the DC Universe.  (If only!)   Booster Gold seemed to think so before he disappeared twice in the Justice League International Annual.  What ever happened to that?  DC is dragging this crap out forever!  Paint dries faster than this tripe.

So we have a handhold (no fingers intertwined) here, a hand on the S-shield there, but no snogging so far in Soule’s book.  Which is great.  Thank you!  Clark thinks Diana is a little bit strange (and thinks Lois is the most amazing woman he’s met).  Yet he’s ‘dating’ the Amazon.  Oh yea, I forgot, Clark and Diana are bigots now when it comes to humans.  Mere homo sapiens can be physically hurt.  While supers and wonders are emotional cowards.  Getting their hearts hurt because they care for/love the fragile humans is horrifying.  Not exactly heroic behavior or thinking.   Oh, they care about humanity in a general overview type of perspective apparently.  It’s just getting into the trenches with a human scares the shit out of them.  These are the new 52 heroes.  They pale in comparison to  . . . any other incarnation.

Clark will not give up his need for secrecy.  He doesn’t want his relationship with Diana made public.  But Cat has that mail sitting on her desk.  Which will take 3 issues for her to find.  (And apparently she’s not worried about the rent.)  I know she’s insipid but  . . . glaciers move faster than that.    Oh the irony (said with sarcasm)  Clark’s blog will have the hot scoop about the fauxmance and will announce it to the world.

Gee, will we get to see the DC Universe implode?  I’ve been waiting for that to happen since the new 52 rebooted.  What am I saying?  Before WONK!

So Doomsday showed up in issue 2 (err, the end of 1).  Not the corporate superdoomsday guy Superman fought in Morrison’s run.  Of course not.  Things happen and then don’t happen in the new 52.  They’re going after new readers and continuity confuses them – so they have to change the story in every single issue!  And all this at a snail’s pace.  (Reading comprehension is a thing of the past apparently.)

Diana fought Doomsday quite valiantly and to her credit doesn’t think much of him because she has fought many a monster.  But realizes Clark believes Doomsday means ultimate death.  So she takes her ‘boyfriend’ to Haephestus so he can make Clark a suit of armor.  Yes, that’s right, a supernatural suit of armor for our Kryptonian hero who’s allergic to magic.  (pregnant pause)  I’m afraid to roll my eyes because they’ll stay that way.

So Apollo and Strife show up (yea only 2 gods show up, not the whole fam-damily) . . . Diana snogged Apollo on her #12 cover while swapping spit with Superman on the Justice League #12 cover.  (Said cover was a Jim Lee redux of one of his For Tomorrow married Superman and Lois panels)  Apollo makes some snide comments on Diana’s dating habits (compares them to her father’s Zeus’ many paramours) and then calls Clark a creature.  At least Steve Trevor was a warrior and human.  So the slapdowns begin.  And now Strife is fangirling over Clark.  That can’t be a good thing.  I think Clark has enough strife in his life, if you know what I mean.

Then . . .Zoddie shows up at the end of issue 2.

According to the solicits (which have been totally unrealiable because TPTB change shit every chance they get) , in issue 3, Zod has just escaped from the PZ (apparently Doomsy was snatched back into the PZ) and starts giving the power twins a hard time — while, wait for it, Cat finally opens her mail!  Dun dun Da!

Issue 4 has the fauxmance’s ‘secret’ out’d while Zoddie tries to get Faora out of the PZ.  Apparently snatching Doomsy back into the PZ is easier than getting Faora out of the PZ.  I could discuss one way holes but then that would take it somewhere . . . let’s just leave that alone, shall we?  Zoddie is slowing down in his old age & apparently needs to wait for his MOS-pop culture partner to join him.  Cashing in on MOS’s Faora’s popularity is really a low blow.  Everything plus the kitchen sink to get this ship to sale apparently — except for Lois, of course.   Faora shows up in #5 to interrupt the fauxmance.  I knew I like that character for a reason.

Lois Lane is a powerful force, don’t every forget that.  Her status in the Superman mythology is formidable and irrefutable.  That’s why DC Entertainment has taken the last 2+ years to push her aside for this farce of a relationship.  They just can’t handle the power of Lois Lane.  Lois will blow this pathetic storyline all to hell.  She’s not mentioned but she’s always there.  You can tell in Clark’s reactions.  Soule does a good job in keeping the ghost of Lois ever present.  Clark’s farm boy is un-nerved by the Amazon princess, now God of War demi-goddess.  But Clark Kent is more under-developed than Lois Lane in the new 52.  That’s on purpose.  Superman must be a battling alien and only a battling alien . . . for the fauxmance.

And that’s why Superman and Action orders have fallen below the 40K mark – there is no Clark Kent, journalist or blogger in the story.  Ergo, there is no Lois Lane needed either.  Superman battles aliens from outer space and beneath the Earth’s crust.  That’s all we’ll get so he can snog with Wonder Woman.   Oh, I forgot.  Lana is visiting in Action now, written by Greg Pak for at least 4 more issues.  But don’t worry, Pak seems to think Lana is the Lois we deserve.

There’s a two year plan, but don’t count on reading anything remotely like the previous Superman incarnations.  (Lobdell said Superman would be different in 2014 — different better?  or more of the same Lobdell crap we’ve been getting “different”?)  Be satisfied with Superman battling aliens just like he did before the new 52 for at least 3 years.  Even though he was married to Lois, he was taken out of his own books and wasn’t allowed to think upon Earthly things like his wife.  His books fell well below 40K back then.

What has the new 52 done for Superman?  Especially in the year of his 75th anniversary?  Oh, he has 2.5 books now.  Wow!  How many does Batman have?  (not even counting the Batman family books)   And why does the new 52 have to cash in on the MOS characters?  Because they can’t develop Superman or his other characters worth a damn.  (Please don’t get me started on Scott Lobdell’s “I’m so clever” interviews which are basically “I do what Bob Harras tells me” while his stories sometimes have good beats but suck in execution . . . and often editing.)

If Scott Snyder hadn’t gone to Dan Didio, then Jim Lee (why that turn of events?) with the Superman story he wanted to tell, then Superman would never have Unchained to celebrate his 75th anniversary.  If fans hadn’t tore up Twitter about Lois’ 75th anniversary, then they wouldn’t have gotten the hard cover graphic novel this November.   And even more voicing of the need for Lois gave us Superman: Lois Lane #1 in February, 2014.

Don’t think Lois Lane fans are going to stop or go away.  We love the Superman mythology and want to see it on the page and panel.  Lois is the key.  And without her, DC Entertainment is leaving money on the table.  No other character can replace Lois Lane within the Superman mythology.  Learn it, know it, live it.

Get wise, DC.   This very bad idea must end (better immediately rather than later).  Or Superman (or Action) will never see above 40K orders again.

Lois Lane can save Superman . . . once again.

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November 14, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Announcements, Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Superman.

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