So this happened . . .

One of my friends, who is on Twitter, and I . . . we made a pact to watch Justice League War.  So with filled wine glass in hand I leaped into the breech and bade goodbye to my loved ones.  My friend held my lifeline as the animated figures flickered on the screen.  After many cringes, moans of dismay and gulps of wine to numb the anguish, I finished the 75 minutes of absurdity.  I had read the Justice League books so knew it was a very shallow story with not much character development.  Although there was tons for Cyborg and since Shazam was in this version, Billy was in it a lot more than the actual main story.

Save your eyes, your soul, and love for any of the characters involved.  Don’t even touch the DVD or Blu ray case.  It might be hazardous to your health.

That done & dusted, I watched JLA Adventures:  Trapped in Time to wash away the stench of the new 52’s debacle.  It helped.  Saw Giancarlo Volpe retweeted my praise of JLAATT and tweeted him asking if there would be more to the series.  I also sent that tweet to Geoff Johns and DCComics.  It must have been the wine.  Alcohol courage.  A convo developed between Johns and Volpe on the subject.

To further cleanse myself, I watched Death Comes to Pemberly.  Which led into this somewhat lucid tweeted tale of a DC Entertainment retreat deciding to reboot Pride and Prejudice.

_________________________________________

We need to change things up, make it edgy.

Well, it is a classic.

That’s bullshit, we need to get new readers.  So Darcy, no longer with Elizabeth.

So who does he get?  Caroline Bingley?  She’s in his social status.

No, no, no, we need something new! Different!  Not that old boring stuff.  Wasn’t there a sister he went to London to fetch?

You mean, Lydia?

Yes, yes, that one.  So we make Darcy court Lydia first.  She’s the youngest right?

Yes, but . .  .

Good, he’ll be thinking of starting a family for his estate & didn’t they marry young girls so they could birth more children?  Elizabeth is past her prime for that.

But she’s probably only 4 to 8 years older.

Back in those days that may as well be a century.  No, Elizabeth is an old maid. Not good enough for Darcy’s manhood or money.  Lydia will be fantastic.

So where does that leave Elizabeth?

Didn’t she have another suitor?

You mean, Mr. Collins?

Yea, that guy.  Let them date.

But he’s so awful!

Perfect.  And we’ll get that Wickham guy to woo Elizabeth in the shadows.  That’ll bring in the sexy sexy.

But won’t people want Darcy & Elizabeth together?

BORING!  In our business you have to do different.  Doesn’t have to be good.  People like different.  Y’know change things up.  Lydia & Darcy will bring in new readers. We’ll even make a statue of them.  People will love it!

But Wickham ends up with Lydia.  Darcy is the hero because he saves the Bennetts reputation for Lizzie.

Pfft.  Who thinks like that anymore?  Darcy will want to buy Lydia because she’s young & vivacious.  She doesn’t think.  Elizabeth thinks too much even if she has fine eyes.  No, Lydia for Darcy.  I can see it now.  Lydia will have her own movie!  Our target audience will love it!  They don’t like thinking women or women with scruples.

So what about Jane?

Bugger! There are 5 of them.   Make Lydia an only child.

But what about Elizabeth?

Make her a cousin who has to marry Collins to save her family.  That way she doesn’t have to appear in the books until absolutely necessary.   So let’s get this reboot launched.  People are going to love it even when they hate it.

–The Pride & Prejudice Reboot done DC Entertainment style.  Thank you for your indulgence.

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February 2, 2014. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Baudy's Reviews, BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Lois Lane, Superman.

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