Suckerpunched Again (a somewhat incoherent rant)

Dear Diary,

Those bastards at DC Entertainment did it to me again.  I didn’t think it was possible.  I had been the strong one thinking things would turn around. . .  but that was last week.  It’s not as bad as August 22nd, 2012’s complete wipe out but it still hurts.

They put a fauxmance snog in Greg Pak’s Batman/Superman Annual #1.  The book hasn’t even had a year of issues yet and it’s getting an annual?  Oh yea, Batman’s name is on the title.

Pak says he can’t use Lois Lane in Action — the book that bore her!!!  But Wonder Woman the Usurper can infiltrate any book Superman has.  They have leeched her onto the Superman mythology like a freakin parasite — and it’s dragging his books down to below 38,000 or worse orders a month.  What kind of mass hysteria insanity is that?

And they keep postponing Superman Unchained to the point that it hasn’t had an issue printed in 2014 yet.  Maybe that’s because Superman and Lois Lane share panels together in that yet unpublished issue.  OHHHHH the absolute shock and awe of that!  Why else postpone a top selling book unless it’s ruffling someone’s ego and their incredibly bad concept of Wonder Woman?  Meanwhile, they’re destroying Superman’s character and sales to do this vomit inducing crap and springing it on unsuspecting readers like a slasher film.

How can DC Entertainment tell us that we were getting 48 pages in the Lois Lane book and we ended up only getting 38 for the increased price . . . that’s illegal, right?  That’s definitely screwing consumers over.  And the stuff that was in the solicits that never happened.  Superman with the red eyes made an appearance — stupid new 52 battling alien with no human tethers.  I HATE that his name was on her book.  He doesn’t deserve it.  It’s a wonder Diana didn’t make an appearance — oh, but she did.  Two weeks of them snogging on channel 52 and 2 weeks of her battling Zod and Faora while inept, untrained superidiot needed instructions on where to be.  And Ambush Bug telling us they could make out at any minute.  IN LOIS’ BOOK!!!  I can’t even rip the pages out because it’s on the backside of Lois’ last panels.  Someone suggested I glue them, but I don’t want to damage Lois’ pages. I just want that damn fauxmance crap out of my books that I purchased.

I, IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM SUPPORT SUPERDOUCHEIDIOT AND THE USURPER! Kill it!  Kill it now!  Save humanity!  Save our sanity!  Make some freakin money already.  This isn’t your private boys club sandbox.  It’s a business.

I think that collar is cutting off the oxygen to the Kryptonian’s brain, that’s the only thing I can figure for this rendition of the character.

Having that snog in that book was the fascists at DCE telling us they have plenty of steel in those bootheels – and despite writers trying to get our hero some semblance of characterization – they’re going to shanghai it for the fauxmance.  It’s like a fungus.

I guess Heroclix has a fauxmance statuette — those are grab bag like things, right?  If I ever get one, I’m gonna burn that sucker on YouTube, just before the EPA arrests me for not properly disposing of toxic waste and air pollution.

Does DCE truly believe that getting Johns/Romita to write Superman is going to pull all of Superman’s books out of free fall?  Ego much?  Johns had Kal only be a Kryptonian during the WONK story which he orchestrated.  No Earthly ties there.  No Superman or Clark Kent either.   And the new 52 numbers are rushing to meet up with their WONK number buddies.  Stupid, stupid, stupid insanity.

Are they going to do a Bobby comes out of the shower thing?  At this rate, I’ll take it.  They’ve done every other cheap ass lightswitch thing so far.  All to keep Clark Kent and Lois Lane out of the books.  Hell, Metropolis barely gets mentioned.

I want the real Superman mythology back, dammit!

The book that was heralded as Superman’s anniversary book can’t get published.  Snyder tweeted we would be surprised with what the Super group has planned.  The fauxmance making out behind every tree and bush in the universe?  That kind of surprise?

Trust, no one.  Even if they mean well, editorial will twist it into a perversion.  Readers are not winners.  The big shots at DCE will never allow us to win.

In the immortal words of Jerry Ordway, “Let’s just kill ‘im.”  Please kill this barely an apparition of what once was a truly great character before the new 52.

I guess enjoying a Superman book is a whole lot to ask.  At least not without some reconnaissance, protective eyewear and a blowtorch.  Maybe some rock salt and a crucifix might help, too.  But enjoyment?  Pfft, you greedy bitch!

And next week is . . . fauxmance or beating a dead horse Wed.

Why am I reliving Smallville Season 7 and the Arc of Suck of Season 8????? WHY?  I’ve been good!  Honest!  I deserve a better Superman than what the new 52 has!!!

Well, Diary, this is me rocking in a corner mumbling, “Somebody saaaavvvvveeeee meeeeeeeee.”

PS:  I have a sneaking suspicion that we won’t be getting much if any at all of Lois in the Smallville book.  One more chapter of ALIEN then LANTERN.  Is that why Q put up lines from CHAOS that supposedly has Clark and Lois on the cover?

Have I mentioned that I hate waiting?

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March 6, 2014. Tags: , , , , . BaudyBlahBlahBlah, Lois Lane, Superman.

4 Comments

  1. athenebelle replied:

    I think they’re trying to make it so we can’t give these to our kids a generation from now without having to explain why Superman and Wonder Woman are kissing. I hate that, but that’s the cost of admission for me (those few that I buy). I’m mostly not helping them right now. I’m hoping things are better with Futures End. I’m still considering taking a “wait and see” approach with that event but I’m also wary of how they might use Lois.

    • baudyhallee replied:

      Hi athenebelle,
      Thanks for commenting.
      Yea, tainting Superman stories for future generations seems to be their plan. More like an evil plot.
      With the push to put the fauxmance in everything now – it seems that Lois will be thrown under the bus again. Get those pens and paper ready to take down its license number.

      Apparently in Batman/Superman in May, Batman will be showing up on Lois’ doorstep. Why? Wonder Woman is Supes gf which has been more than emphasized with that ballpene hammer panel in the annual. Let the Princess find her god. She’s got the power, right?

      And Greg Pak mentioned while discussing BS that Diana will be showing up in one of his books soon. So it’s probably Action. Of course editorial would allow the Usurper to be in Action but not Lois Lane, the character that was created in that book two years before Wonder Woman’s existence!

      I don’t get Wonder Woman being in Batman/Superman. It’s not a Trinity book. Is she part of the Super family now? Why is Clark and Lois being married so bad if Wonder Woman gets to be attached in a permanent liplock across the books? Marriage too much of a commitment? Snogs are safer for immature males than true affection and deep passion for one person? Probably. But then DC Entertainment’s attitude towards the media they publish is . . “It’s just comic books.” I think the previous administration always pushed the envelope to see if it could be more than that. And in doing so, we got some great literature out of it.

      I hate having to ‘suffer through’ comics. I’d rather be enjoying them. And I usually put my money where my pleasure is. So DCE is gonna have to do without my cashola until they get a clue or several million clues.

  2. Shell Germann replied:

    We all know that eventually either story or sales will dictate the end of the WW/Kal (not that I refuse to call him Clark) fauxmance, but the waiting and character assassination is intolerable. I also understand not trusting the suits behind the creative staff, but I do doubt that they lured someone like Romita Jr. away from Marvel with much less than Superman as he is meant to be (should be) and I really do think Johns (as much of an ass as he is) isn’t one for the fauxmance. I’m hoping that the Doomsday story will be a major strike against WW and give all of us a little hope.

    p.s. The whole fauxmance needs to be shared with anyone who gets all excited when Grant Morrison gets involved with their favorite comic. Morrison is a pox on most books he touches.

    • baudyhallee replied:

      Hi Shell,

      Thanks for commenting. 😀

      Yes, Johns is a classic character kind of guy, but he did orchestrate WONK. The way he wrote the initial issues of the fauxmance did show he wasn’t truly into this farce.

      I have no knowledge regarding Romita, Jr. But you’re probably right. Doing Superman is a huge opportunity for him since he would never have been able to do Clark at Marvel. I’m just a wee bit nervous of his concept that they showed. Superman in space. Hoping they don’t continue the alien with no human tethers any longer. And they may bring in another love interest to show that different side of Superman we’ve never seen before or whatever. I hope not because we’re hitting the 3 year mark with this thing and it’s about time they start the Clark and Lois relationship, building the friendship, their journalistic lives, etc.

      The only foundational issue Morrison was permitted to do was Action #0, the other 18 issues were moot and not character building. Not necessarily his fault. Editorial still has a vice gripe on Superman’s character development. Greg Pak’s Action gives us some, but he’s not allowed to use Lois. Wonder Woman will probably show up there for the Doomy crossover. 😦

      Hopefully we are seeing the darkness before the dawn, but then we’ve been saying that for over two years.

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