SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT

Warning: Language, Attitude & Snark

somethingnotright

Damn tootin there, Lolo. Something has not been right for a lonnnnggg time.

When the new 52 began, DCE stripped Superman of all female influence. Martha and Lara were dead. Lois was kicked to the curb. But, he’s dating Wonder Woman,right? My mother-in-law (she had five sons so she should know) used to say, “Men have periods, too. They just last three weeks.” Wonder Woman is PMSing all the time. So yea, she’s basically a guy with boobs (and a cranky magic va-ja-ja if it doesn’t get oiled).

Superman had a horrible week. Superman 38 (a week late, expanded and more expensive), Action 39 (DECOMPRESSED!), Superman Earth One Vol 3 were the usual suspects. Our hero appeared in all his glory in Future’s End #40 written from the Pros from Dover (Jurgens, Azzarello, Lemire and Giffen) saved Superman and my week. Yes, they did.

BTW, see that panel of Lois actually saying something in a Superman comic. Well, it is the only thing she said in the expanded issue, raising the price to $5. The other panel was of Jimmy asking her what was gong on. He’s clueless . . . but not anymore!!! Geoff Johns handed him a big gift of knowing Superman’s secret at the end of the issue. Dudebros rule!

It has been stated DCE did a survey and the results were 45% of their readers were female. Apparently DC Entertainment is ignoring this. Because basically Superman #38 told women, “we don’t want or need your money. Just walk away. Dudebros rule!”

And it worked. New readers who started reading in the New 52 have left in disgust. They are tired of waiting. Superman books are not giving them what they want in order to plop down their hard earned pay. Yea, new readers, the reason for the reboot. But admittedly they are women so they don’t count.

BTW, G2Factor will be on hiatus until at least April. Waiting to read Superman Convergence. Will not submit themselves any further to this unrelenting torture of readers. There’s torturing then there’s the upscale of debasing the character and the fanbase. New 52 has been the latter.

Superman’s got a new power. It’s called superflare. (Clark Kent, the Kryptonian Torch! He’s not human, so y’know) No, I am not making this up. I have a better imagination than that. See, it’s an out of control thing. Because Superman in the new 52 doesn’t have a strong will or self control, That’s why DCE can pull this crap. Apparently when his superflare goes off (sounds sexier than it is) it rids Superman’s cells of their solar energy. He has to wait 24 hours before his powers return. His dudebro, Bats told him so. AND Superman’s armor (yea, the biological one) got burnt so Alfred kind of made him a new one. I’m not kidding. Not okay for Ma Kent to make his suit but AOK for Alfred to do so? Dudebros rule! The cape is still indestructible. But he has a mock turtleneck and sleeves that end in fingerless gloves. I guess for when his whittle handsies get cold up there at the Fortress of Solitude. Which may or may not still be taking 40 days to regenerate.

So Clark is human for a day after his solarflare goes off. Okay, I need a vote here: Which would you prefer during that span of time? Clark flirting with Lois or telling Jimmy his secret? Anyone? Beuller? This makes me suspicious. Someone at DCE must be a total Tarantino fan (Superman Django Unchained, anyone?) and believes that crap Kill Bill spouted about Clark. Oh he needs to be Clark because of this new power. No, that’s not the reason Clark Kent exists. My son put it quite succinctly, “Clark has a job because he has to make money. Otherwise he’d be a supervillain.” Now that’s realistic and RELATABLE!

Am I gonna have to drag out the Wimp Ass Clark moniker again? (see Smallville reviews, especially Season 7). Speaking of Smallville – remember when Clark pulled Geoff Johns out of his truck in RECRUIT, season 5. Jeph Loeb tried to warn us. LOL  Yep, we’re still wondering where Lois is.

So the issue was obviously enlarged for splashpages, some of which were randomly in black & white – no rhyme nor reason. Jonathon Carroll mention. He’s the guy Lois is with to make Clark soooo despondent. *rme Whatever. Jackee Winters (she’s female) the new Johns’ character was on the cover but not in the story, nor was Steve Lombard or Ron Troupe. So much for the DP folks being involved. Clark and Lois are still not allowed to breath the same air. The only people Clark talked to was his dudebros. Ulyssess, Bats, Alfred, Perry, and Jimmy. There was an epilogue with the hooded guy saying he was proud of Clark & is gonna send Clark a package at the Daily Planet. (Like I care anymore, but maybe he’s the key to this . . . or maybe not. Can’t depend on anything Superman-wise anymore.)

This is still a total misstep on DCE’s part (and Lord knows there have been many) or they are pulling back too far. Ya gotta leave some breadcrumbs for the big surprise and keep folks guessing so they’ll await the next story or issue. But what DCE did with this issue – they beat down readers with a story of no real resolution, an ubiquitous power and telling Jimmy Olsen Clark is Superman. Something new 52 Superman has held consistently against Lois – not knowing his dual identity. He trusts her but apparently it was show and tell day at the DP for Clark and Jimbo, who is no longer a billionaire (why they made him one . . . oh yea, Lobdell or Harras or Lee).

There probably won’t be a Lois birthday party after all unless they give it a half-panel in #39, otherwise nada. #40 is John Romita,Jr’s Superman story. So, lies. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. It’s not trustworthy. DCE is not to be trusted. Therefore, don’t give DC Comics your money.

Action 39, Beardo vs the Ultrahumanite. Zzzzzz Clark sacrifices his psyche (yes again) and grief (there’s always grief in the new 52) in order for the ‘monster’ to engorge itself and thus releasing it’s hold on everyone. Lana apologizes for being a bitch every issue about her dead parents. They re-buried the Kents. Yea, we get it. He’s still alienated. There was a sequence that showed all the deaths of Clark’s friends. Did Clark see a future when he was in the black hole with Brainiac? Because if he thought that shit up on his own, he’s one sick M.F.er Lois dead with armored Batman and Krypto looking on. Batman and Hiro dead in the Batcave after Lex Luthor shoots them. Steel, Kara, and Diana dying at the hands of Zod and Faora. So Wonder Woman can die before Clark? Oh gee, who knew? [sarcasm] The reason the fauxmance is supposedly together is because humans are frail and can die. Clark almost died as Doomy and Diana can apparently die, too. So much for “after the last battle” bullshit. Why are they torturing us with all these horrible stories?

Apparently there was a crack in the Phantom Zone and that’s how the Ultrahumanite got out. Then Doomy got out and then Wonder Woman imploded the Phantom Zone releasing the menagerie (who were infected by the Ultrahumanite) and everyone else. The Bottle of Kandor ended up in Iceland – BUT the Fortress is gonna take 40 days to regenerate. I’m getting brain damage from this. Did anyone see Baka?

The Phantom Zone is repaired by the Smallvillians and Clark but there’s still a squiggly at the Kents’ grave. Oh goodie. Next issue is a Bizzaro story (yes, I know all the new 52 stories are bizarro).

Superman Earth One Vol 3. Haven’t read the book yet. Straczynski isn’t exactly being sincere when he said DC let him go from writing Wonder Woman and Superman (separate books) back in 2010 – truth be told he heard Didio was getting his reboot. I attended the 2010 SDCC where he had a reading of both books. Three months later was the editorial retreat that created the new 52 and also the release of SEO Volume 1. Coincidence? Chris Roberson took over Superman, The Grounded story. (There’s a story there. Lois Lane radar going off.) At 2010 SDCC we met Shane Davis and bought posters of Superman from SEO Volume 1. Volume 2 took two years to write apparently. And now we have three.

Clark’s very in-tuned-to-her-body neighbor is a hooker. He’s not friends with Lois, of course, because every one knows they are an inevitable couple, so can’t write about them. In the preview we got, Lisa L. (get it, LL? How clever #sarcasm) thinks of Clark as a brother. At some point in the story after a huge battle, Clark returns to Martha Kent (Jonathan died after spouting the Niven theory to young Clark) and she encourages him to find love wherever he can. Something happens at the end of the book to make reviewers think Lisa is now his girlfriend. Excuse me. I must get out the puke buckets again.

In every book of Superman, DCE has to put “by Special Arrangement with the Jerry Seigel Family” – it’s legal lip service. Does anyone believe in all good conscience that the Seigel family would ever fathom or tolerate Clark Kent with a hooker? Again debasing the character. All in the name of not allowing the inevitability of the Clark and Lois relationship to transpire even a wee little bit. Toss him a hooker. True, he can’t get an STD from her. But does she die from doin it? Or is that only allowed for Lois to die from the Kryptonian shaft? It’s not as if Lisa has a magic va-ja-ja which could render Clark impotent, but Wonder Woman has that ground covered in main continuity. It’s ANYONE-BUT-LOIS in the name of – well, we can’t have them together yet. 4.5 years for Superman Earth One and 3.5 years for the new 52. HOW MUCH LONGER????

Lois is always strong. Clark, not so much. Yes, I agree Clark should pursue Lois and be worthy of her. Because a strong Lois and a weak minded and completely out of touch with his heart Clark is a TRAIN WRECK EXTRAORDINAIRE! And continues to be so.

There is no character building being done via true love in the new 52. It is not allowed. Yes, Geoff Johns had Arthur & Mera considered married in order to make that character interesting but after he left the book, it was implicitly stated they were not married. The only hero still married in the new 52 is Animal Man. I still think Morrison had it as a stipulation for him writing Multiversity, Action, and his Wonder Woman book. He said during the 2011 SDCC just before the reboot release, he hoped that DCE didn’t mess with Animal Man’s marriage. And they haven’t.  But romance isn’t necessarily marriage.  Could we at least get an iconic courtship?  Clark/Lois, Dick/Babs, Barry/Iris, Ollie/Dinah. Trevor/Diana, Bats/Cats, etc etc etc  There’s so much to do before more and more fans throw up their hands, take their cash, and invest it in other entertainment.

None of this negates my previous blogpost that Supermn and Lois are having a secret romance. Why would Clark have to tell Lois if she already knew? The 24 hour human thing may be a way to show Clark that being with a super (WW) isn’t exactly his cup of tea. Especially if the super can die just as much as a human?

Why the new power? It seems it might come in handy with the Darkseid War this summer. Omega beams verse superflare. Lots of yellow and red on the page. Boom Boom Boom. Splashpages. Battle battle battle.

The Jimmy knowing secret thing, I’m not sure. Something to do with some plot obviously. Can’t see Clark hankering to tell Jimmy for any length of time.  Lightswitched like the fauxmance.  Having Jimmy not be a billionaire was a good move. Having Clark Kent back at the DP is great, too but only if he and Lois get to breathe the same air. It’s something that fans want and have been waiting entirely too long to see. To experience. The key to Richard Donner’s Superman movie was the love story between Clark and Lois. If that was done right, the movie would be a hit. Dick Donner was Geoff Johns’ boss at one time. And they have written an Action series giving married Clark and Lois a child.

So what’s the dealio? Is it editorial again? Hey Pharoah, let our Superman go!!!  We need a hero, not a schmoe.

Speaking of children. In Superman Convergence – Clark and Lois are going to have a baby. Now, I have heard some dumb shit, but let’s get something straight. The whole two different species crap hasn’t flown since 1966, almost 50 years ago. Every geek knows Mr. Spock is human/Vulcan. Kon was a clone of Superman and Lex Luthor Kryptonian/human pre-52. In the new 52, Clark and Lois had a natural born son, Jonathan Lane Kent and then Kon who is their son twice over is part clone & part natural (Jon’s DNA). Today animal DNA is put into plants and we eat it. They put animal DNA in humans now. This is no longer science FICTION. So get into the modern world already. Clark and Lois can have a baby just fine. Especially since the Fortress of Solitude is located in a place with at least six months of darkness during the year. Plus the Fortress supposedly holds the knowledge of the known galaxies. Surely one of them figured this stuff out. Oy!

Future’s End #40 will save your Superman soul. Clark takes action heading for New York. Lois is in New York. Big Baddie shows up in front of her. Potential for great storytelling and mythology. Can’t wait until next week. Don’t just sit there. Go buy this issue.

G2Hardcore will be talking about all this and more on Saturday at 5pm.

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February 4, 2015. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . BaudyBlahBlahBlah.

One Comment

  1. Jen replied:

    I LOVE THIS BLOG!!! I love Lois Lane as much as I love chocolate. I use caps because I really am shouting. Lol. 🙂

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